Where is this going, uncertain.
The story plays out so fast I don't know how to keep up.I don't know where I belong or how to get there. My art suffers in this transition. I withdraw from life. One day I think I will withdraw completely, not to be found by any soul in this universe. Maybe I'm going crazy. I cant explain many of my actions without causing a fuss. I'm truly , deeply interested in being with my friends and going to college and progressing in life in a linear , productive pattern, but I don't and every effort I've made in those directions backfire or simply cannot be done.Part of this is due to my lack of telephone use and lack of owning a cellphone. Ever since I moved to this town I've been on this permanent vacation that I'm unable to get back from. I left behind a great deal in 2008. I began to purge myself of who I was and since then I've undergone many different transformations. Its sort-of like Doctor Who with the regenerations. I have dreamed so many dreams.The internet situation was a confusing one. First it looked as though it would be gone then we were going to get high-speed then we went back to dial up. My grandfather broke his hip which freaked me out a bit and I've been stuck at home alone with nothing to do but guard the house, but he is alright now and will be in therapy soon. I've learned that honesty backfires almost as much as lying can.I would very much like to find a female companion but I don't have a job and I don't get out enough so that's not going to happen. I even joined a dating site and there hasn't been anyone interested in me.Okay writing this journal is starting to depress me so I'm going to end it here.
~~~~jonb